June 11th, 2009

Tattoo

A Case of the Gays - Now, if only House was real to witness this...

witnessed suck at our local ER

My son busted the crap out of his head today so i took him to the ER to get some stitches (2 for those who are wondering) and i witnessed the most amazing person in the world. I don't know if you've ever been to the ER but there is usually a wait. especially if you don't have a critical injury/sickness.

Even with a semibleeding child, i was waiting (without much complaint other than i was hungry) for a good two hours before we were seen thanks to a really bad 3-car accident that rolled into the ER about ten minutes after i did not to mention the place was rather packed to start with anyway.

This wonderful woman, her husband (i assume) and her teenage son come in about half an hour after the 3 car accident. she signs in and sits down to fill out paperwork. about ten minutes later, she goes absolutely ballistic at the nurses' station about how long she'd been waiting to see the doctor.

it pretty much sounded like "I HAVE BEEN WAITING HOURS! THIS IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS AND I PAY YOUR WAGES BLAH BLAH BLAH IM A REALLY BIG ENTITLED SNOWFLAKE BLAH BLAH!"

it takes 3 nurses and a security guard to calm her down enough to be semi-reasonable. one of the nurses tries to explain to her that the more critical cases are taken first and since she (the EB) refused to even put on the form what the problem was, they put the bleeding/comatose/violently ill people ahead of her.

the woman's response blew my mind. "My son has the gays and you need to fix it! i caught him touching himself to men. i have the most critical case!" said in very loud, angry tones that were sufficient for shutting up the entire ER waiting room.

There were no words that would form a coherent response to that from anyone. the security guard told her that she needed to sit back down to wait. if she wasn't happy with the wait at this er, there was another one a few blocks away and maybe the line would be shorter there.

She did sit back down for about another ten minutes before she stormed out of the ER with her extremely embarrassed family, muttering the entire time that her son had a case of the gays.

Now, in high school, i spent a lot of time working in the ER waiting room as a volunteer so i saw some really really sucky/dumb people. i mean, i have seen people in the er because they had a paper cut, because they had 10/10 pain in their knees but spent the entire time waiting to see a doctor chasing a child around, because they had things that shouldn't be in certain orifaces, etc. but i have never seen a case of the gays.

TRDL: woman comes in to the ER and bitches that a 20 minute wait is too long because her son's case of the gays is a critical one, not the bleeding car accident patient or the other equally injured or maimed.

Tattoo

I am AVERAGE TEEN Pushing on the SPOILED TEEN

I HAVE / OWN :

[x] mother
[x] father
[ ] step father
[ ] step mother
[ ] step sister
[x] step brother
[ ] brother/s
[ ] brother in law
[ ] sister/s
[ ] sister in law
[ ] half sister
[ ] half brother
[ ] nephew
[ ] niece
[x] mobile phone
[ ] own bathroom
[x] own room
[ ] have/had a swimming pool
[ ] have/had a hot tube
[x] guest room
[x] livingroom
[x] own computer (Technically it's a family computer, but I'm the only one who uses it.)
[x] own tv

Total so far: 9

[x] full size/king/queen bed
[x] more than 8 pairs of shoes
[x] mp3 player/ipod
[x] ps2/3
[x] nintendo ds or psp or 64
[x] gameboy/advance
[ ] game cube
[ ] bo/bo360
[ ] wii
[ ] your own laptop

Total so far: 16

[x] night stand (Is this some kind of lamp, or something? *is confused*)
[x] stereo in bedroom
[x] dvd player in bedroom/portable

Total so far: 19

[x] go shopping at least once a week (for food yes - clothes NO.)
[x] epensive cologne/perfume (free gifts, how do I love you)
[x] aim/msn (How can you be spoilt if you have an instant messenger? They're free @_@)
[x] camera/phone (Both! And two cameras!)

Total so far: 23

[ ] go cart/car/quad
[ ] guitar/drums/bass guitar (Two guitars =P)
[x] piano/keyboard
[x] been on a cruise
[x] travel out of the continent (Not since I was little.)
[ ] had a personal trainer
[x] expensive jewelry - again, with the free gifts.
[ ] met a celebrity

Total so far: 27

[x] straightner/curling iron
[ ] have been to a batting cage
[x] have £100 on you right now in your pocket/wallet
[ ] credit card atm or debit card or bank card
[x] have tv in your room (Again?)
[x] mirror in your room

Total so far: 31

[x] window in your room
[ ] been to paris
[ ] been to rome
[ ] been to bahamas
[ ] been to mexico
[ ] been to jamaica

Total so far: 32

[x] parents have a car
[ ] have owner/own a jet ski/boat
[ ] have/had a camper
[ ] 80+ friends on facebook/myspace

Total so far: 34

[x] home cooked meal everyday
[ ] been in a limo
[ ] been in a helicopter
[x] own a camera (Again?)
[ ] have been to disneyland paris

Total so far : 36

[ ] have/had a dog
[x] have/had a cat
[ ] have/had a bird
[ ] have/had a snake
[ ] have/had a turtle
[x] have/had any other animals

Total so far: 38

Then see the category you’re in, with the total of your ‘points’.

1-25 = ghetto
26-40 = average teen
41-50 = spoiled teen
51+ = upper class snob
Tattoo

Parent Fail - Mark I - on the 8th of June 2009

Akay, so…

Parental fail first.

Okay, so Mother says to me, “Would you do fajitas for dinner tonight?”

And so I say, “Yeah, okay. I just need to give you a shopping list, so you don’t forget anything.”

She says, “Okay.”

So, I write out a list and entitle it “CHICKEN AND MUSHROOM FAJITAS.” And on it, I put things like chicken breast, and mushrooms, and onions and BBQ sauce, because that’s how I cook it – I NEED those ingredients.

So, I give her a PRINTED version of the list – as in, computer printed just so she can’t say my handwriting is awful – and her and my brother go off to ASDA. I call her twice, once to tell her to buy more conditioner, and once to tell her to buy me a new wooden spoon because my one leaves splinters in the food now.

Excessive!cooking will do that to a spoon.

Both times, I remind her about the mushrooms because I can’t remember if I put them on the list, and need to make sure she gets them.

I sod off upstairs and only come down again when they return. I ask, “Did you get everything on the list?” And she tells me, “Yeah, sure I did.”

So, let’s skip a few hours.

I come down to do dinner.

I slice and dice the chicken, I chop the onion, and I even open the sauce and make sure the sweet corn is in a salt water pan waiting.

Then we come to the fun part.

Where the hell are my mushrooms? I can’t find them in the fridge, in the cupboards, even in the last shopping bag no-one unpacked.

THEY ARE NO WHERE TO BE FOUND!

When I ask Mother-Darling, she goes, “Oh, I didn’t buy mushrooms. Can’t you do without them?”

WFT?!

Yes, mother, you totally forgot the mushrooms EVEN THOUGH I write them on the shopping list. You even manage to forget them, EVEN THOUGH I ENTITLE THE SHOPPING LIST CHICKEN AND MUSHROOM FAJITAS. I CALL YOU TWICE TO MAKE SURE YOU DON’T FORGET THEM. WHAT PROBLEM IS THERE WITH THAT?

I DID NOT MAKE THAT LIST FOR MY OWN BENEFIT. I COULD HAVE BEEN BLOGGING/REVISING/FIXING MY SHIT COMPUTER, RATHER THAN MAKING YOU A LIST.

But I make you a list anyway. I tell you, time and time again, GET ME MUSHROOMS, I know I told you at least twice, but you STILL don’t.

I do notice however, you remembered to get yourself a bar of Bounty and a bottle of Lucozade, which in my house is GOLD DUST due to my brother’s insatiable appetite for it.

So there’s me, with half a dinner half cooked with no bulking ingredient (at that point it was just chicken, onion and carrot batons with some sweetcorn on the side) and too far into it to change it into a stew or something. So I end up rustling up some potatoes, and making it into some really weird Spanish omelette-fajitas thing, and it takes HOURS to cook, because I have to par-boil the ‘tates and then cook them the rest of the way in the pan. It adds another forty five minutes onto my dinner schedule, which I put like that because that’s when YOU WANTED ME TO EAT, MOTHER DARLIN

YOU CANNOT EXPECT ME TO PULL A DINNER LIKE THAT OUT OF MY ARSE, AND THEN COMPLAIN WHEN IT TAKES TWO HOURS TO COOK. I AM NOT A MIRACLE WORKER AND WHEN I TELL YOU GET ME THE BULKING INGREDIENT IT DOES NOT SECRETLY MEAN, GET YOURSELF A BAR OF CHOCOLATE AND AN ENERGY DRINK.

Honestly, parental fail.

I wouldn’t have minded if she said, you know, “Oh, I’m sorry about that, here have half of my Bounty to make up for it.” Seriously, I wouldn’t have minded. If she had told me maybe not when she walked in, but at least before I made dinner, then I could have done the meal and it would have just been odd.

Because she didn’t, it took me nearly two hours, and phailed on an epic level.

I like cooking.

I hate messing up my meals because you couldn’t tell me something.

And before you give me the shit about having two thousand things to do on your mind, please remember, I WROTE YOU A LIST. YOU HAD A SHOPPING LIST. WITH TEN INGREDIENTS ON IT.

NOT HARD.

Suckage, seriously.

Tattoo

Stupid Cat....

What cat catches a mouse, brings it home, and then lets it go in the laundry pile?

Apparently, my cat does.

Seriously?

Me and the brother caught it and let it go outside, whilst the entire time Venice is looking excitedly down around where we're working, getting in the way and trying to capture the mouse she brought in and let go, London was like, "Eh. I thought someone was dying and came to see. No-one is. I'm leaving."

Cairo was like, "WTF?"

And Chicago was like, "Eh. Mouse. Me. Sleeping."

My brother was like, "What do I DOOOOOO?"

Me: "Oh fuck it...."

Mother: -stands on chair throughout entire debacle- CATCH IT! CATCH IT! KILL IT !!!!